


Should Have Stayed Home

by lilrubixcube



Category: Happiest Season (2020)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, Christmas, F/F, queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29252043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilrubixcube/pseuds/lilrubixcube
Summary: I rewrote the car scene of Happiest Season purely to show a more appropriate response from Abby. Appropriate meaning angrier.
Relationships: Harper Caldwell/Abby Holland
Kudos: 23





	Should Have Stayed Home

The drive would have been better if there was more green. Abby gazed out the window of her girlfriend’s car and every branch, every shrub, every blade of grass had a grayish brown color. To make matters worse, the air inside the car was just as stale as the air outside. Abby and Harper had gone on road trips before together--to Boston in February, to DC in August. Then, their thoughts slid out from their lips with little forethought. Everything becomes the right thing to say when you’re with the right person. They could make memories that made their heart melt in the blink of an eye and create inside jokes that could be referenced for years after. Of course, with any couple, silence can set in on a road trip. There are only so many rounds of games you can play, so many random interludes, so many things to say between two individuals who spend so much time together already. On average, Abby and Harper reach this point of complicit silence around hour 4 of a long drive. On this day, they reached their plateau after 30 minutes. The conversation was choppy--it stopped and started, and stopped and started again, never quite reaching a flow. 

“Let’s play a game.” Abby declared. “Let’s tell each other things we don’t know each other. You start.” 

“I think I know everything there is to know about you...and don’t you know everything about me?” Harper cooed, reaching over to softly caress Abby’s chin before laying her hands back on the steering wheel. “Really Abby, I would play,” she added, “but I’m feeling a little tired. And I need to focus because who can trust these backroad Pennsylvania drivers.” 

Abby glanced at Harper’s white coffee cup in the cup holder between them before looking back out the window. They were meandering about the rural forest land that Abby often forgot existed outside the Pittsburgh limits. It was just miles and miles of trees, a truly beautiful sight if only it were spring. Without interesting things to look at out the window, Abby sat in the passenger seat still yearning to fill the emptiness of conversation. Where there usually was a steady stream of inspiration, Abby was at a loss. Overturning stones in her head, flipping through files, she searched for something to say. Anything. 

Meanwhile, Harper’s eyes were locked ahead, with one hand on the wheel, the other rhythmically twirling her hair. Her fingers tugged at non-existent knots with uneasiness. 

It’s fine if Harper isn’t in the mood to play a game, Abby thought. Having your girlfriend over for Christmas is a huge milestone albeit an anxiety-wracking one. The nerves are merely a side effect. Maybe we just need to talk it through, Abby wondered. 

“So….” Abby started, drawing out the “o” at the end, as if to brace herself to even begin. “How many people are going to be with us on Christmas day?” Abby paused before more words tumbled out of her mouth, hoping that Harper would fill the rest of the space. She didn’t. “I ask because I know you mentioned something about a party...white elephant right? And then, I don’t know, do you have relatives o-”, Abby continued anxiously.

Abby stopped and looked over at Harper. Her eyes were still glued to the road, unphased. 

“Are you even--”

Harper snapped back, “Yes, I’m listening. Just let me think. Sometimes, my aunt and uncle come to visit after we open presents. So between me, my mom, my dad, and my two sisters, that’s...I don’t fucking know, can you just let me drive right now? I need to focus.” Filled with tension, Harper’s fingers squeezed the wheel tighter before tucking her long brown bangs behind her ear. One hand then stayed on the wheel and another hand twisted her hair even tighter. 

Taken aback, Abby searched Harper’s face for some type of clue, a reason for her behavior. The eager and energetic Harper who asked her, “Will you spend Christmas with me?” just a couple days prior was a distant memory. 

“8. It would make 8 people. Well 9, when you include me.” Abby muttered. Harper finally turned her head out of guilt and responded, “Look, I’m so sorry, there’s something I really need to tell you, it’s been on my m--”

“Look!” Abby yelled. A raggedy red minivan driving in the opposite direction ahead swerved into their lane. Harper yanked her head forward to see the wobbling car swaying on the line. The two girls screamed in unison as Harper quickly gripped the steering wheel and yanked it to the right. She moved with much force that she drove the car off the road and into the gravely path beside it. Harper hit the brakes hard and the two girls looked at each other in both awe and disbelief.

Harper at first looked incredulous before falling into a smirk and then laughter. “I told you I had to keep my eyes on the road”, she giggled. She let her shoulders and the small of her back finally touch the seat and took a deep breath, swallowing up all the stale air around her and releasing the energy that held her captive the whole car ride. It was the first time Harper smiled in what felt like forever, Abby thought. Harper was known to have anxious moments, most notably the one time she paced around her kitchen for 3 hours eating ice cream out of the container. This was different though. Harper is often afraid of other things...public speaking, getting less than a B, spiders. This time it felt like Harper was afraid of Abby. 

“What were you going to tell me?” Abby asked as the corners of her mouth slid into an unconvincing half smile. 

Harper inhaled, placed her hand on Abby’s thigh, and then locked eyes with Abby. “I have to tell you something and you have to understand why this isn’t how I wanted this to happen but it’s going to be okay. Do you remember when I told you that I came out to my parents and I told you that they took it well?

“Yes I remember….and if your parents are still processing, then I get it. You know sometimes it takes time.”

“No, they’re not processing anything. I didn’t come out to them.” This time it was Harper’s turn to search her girlfriend’s face. Looking for clues, anything to show how she feels. 

Abby was in shock. Her brain gurgled and cranked, racking itself for an explanation--an excuse. Harper has always shown trepidity around the topic of her family. It’s how they bonded on their first date at a Pittsburgh bar. They clanked their pints together and toasted to their mutual family issues. Over time, they created a rule together. They knew when to stop poking and prodding at a subject. Abby prefers to talk to her therapist about the nitty gritty details of her parent’s passing and Harper needs time and space before truly delving into the rivalry between her and her sister. They knew that sometimes things don’t need to be unpacked all the time at the dinner table. They each have experienced things and they each respect their other’s need for space. But never has Harper lied. Or maybe this is the first time Harper was forced to own up to it. How many other lies has Harper kept hidden? Maybe they didn’t know each other as well as previously thought. 

Abby’s initial shock and confusion bled into anger. “What?” she blurted. It was the type of what that was accusatory and exasperated while also begging for an explanation. As if to ask the rhetorical, “How could you?” with both anger and sadness behind each word. Abby’s voice was hoarse. She didn’t know whether to furrow her brow or to let the tear welling behind her eye drop. 

Harper grabbed both of Abby’s hands and said, “I promise this is not how I wanted this to go but you have to believe me we’ll get through this. My dad told me that he’s running for mayor and this just isn’t the right time to tell them about us. And it’s going to be okay, I’ll just tell them when the election season is over and it’ll be fine.” 

“Harper, I’m not going. Spend five days with your fam and pretend to be….who did you tell you them I am?”

“My roommate.”

“You don’t think this is weird? And you thought this was a good idea?”

“I told them you’re my roommate and your parents died so you have nowhere else to go. It’s the only solution I could come up with.”

“Excuse me? So you can tell them about my personal life and trauma but you can’t tell them I love you. Got it. Harper, I can’t believe you right now. Why did you even invite me?”, Abby spat back.

“Because it’s Christmas. And I want to spend it with you.” Harper whined and reached over to touch Abby’s face but Abby swatted her hand. 

“Don’t touch me right now. Do you know how hard this is? It’s not going to be okay. Yeah maybe you’ve been in the closet but I haven’t since I was 16. Did you even think about how this was going to affect me?”

“I did! You have to believe me, I did it. We’re going to get through this together. I know it’s going to be hard but you’re so strong baby, you’ve been strong through your parent’s…

“Stop. Just stop. Harper, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m actually good on the silence now.”

If Abby wasn’t in rural wasteland, she would have just gotten out of the car and walked home. Hitchhiked. Anything but be with the stranger that occupied the driver’s seat. Abby wanted to continue to lash out, to dig deeper and carve out exactly how Harper believed that her haphazardly put together plan was supposed to work. Another retaliation with the words “regret” and “ring” in it bubbled up inside Abby’s throat before she ultimately pushed them down and away. That would be too much. It would bring a definite finale to their relationship and Abby wasn’t quite sure what the future should bring for them. Abby was literally and figuratively in limbo, on a journey to an unfamiliar destination. With no way out in the immediate, Abby resigned to return looking out the window. 

Harper closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened her eyes again. She turned the car back on and continued driving to her family’s house. The rest of the way, Abby was a statue looking out the window, frozen with anger. Harper drove, praying that by the time they arrived, Abby would melt. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
